It’s the first day of the college basketball season for Syracuse University, so you may be asking yourself, “Why the hell am I looking at a picture of Ty Pennington right now?” Well, because tonight’s opponent for the Orange is Kennesaw State University, which is the school that unleashed a young Ty Pennington on the world. We couldn’t stop them then, but damnit, it’s our duty to stop them now.
So, who is Kennesaw State? Isn’t that the guy who banned Joe Jackson from baseball for life? No, that was Kennesaw Mountain Landis, but it’s an easy mistake to make. Let’s go win this one for Shoeless Joe, anyway.
Kennesaw State is located in Georgia, and they compete in the Atlantic Sun Conference. For those keeping score at home, that’s the same conference that produced Dunk City, who some people might call “Florida Gulf Coast” because they’re just not hip. Kennesaw State is not Dunk City.
In fact, Kennesaw State went 6-25 last season, including 3-15 in the A-Sun. Last year they played a couple name opponents and things didn’t go so well. They lost to Mississippi State 78-55, Cincinnati 95-67, Georgia Tech 74-57, and Indiana 90-66. So far this season they haven’t had any exhibition games, so they’re diving right into the fire with the Orange tonight.
Last year’s leading scorer was Delbert Love, who is apparently taking a break from his 1960’s jazz lounge act to head up the Owls effort against the Orange. He’s a 1,000 point career scorer, and will be playing for a first year head coach in Jimmy Lallathin, whose last name probably sounds funny coming out of the mouth of someone with a goofy accent.
Love, a 6-foot senior guard, knocked down 65 three pointers last season and also led the Owls with 78 total assists. He’s the smallest of the probable starters, with the rest of the projected starting five going 6-foot-5, 6-foot-7, 6-foot-7, and 6-foot-10. Most of the team’s size is in the starting lineup, as there’s no one coming off the bench over 6-foot-8 – at least among the players that are expected to make an impact this year. The team’s leading returning rebounder is 6-foot-5 forward Orlando Coleman, who like our own DaJuan is probably also not Derrick’s son.
Kennesaw State had one of the best opponent three point percentage defenses in the A-Sun last year, as their opponents shot just 33% from deep for the year against the Owls. So basically if the Orange struggle to shoot the ball, let’s just blame that, and pretend we actually have some dudes who can really shoot the ball from outside. Let’s also tell people that yes, Syracuse’s “shooters” have girlfriends, but they live in Canada so you probably wouldn’t know them.
One more important thing to note is that Kennesaw State has a player named Nigel, so he’ll probably be playing while sporting a monocle and, if we’re lucky, a top hat. Fingers are crossed for that one. Don’t let us down, Nigel.
The game is on ESPN3, and you can bet your sweet bippy that I’ll be watching from the comfort of my broken down couch in Texas*. By the way, if we’re blowing out the Owls late and the students don’t turn “start the bus” into “move that bus” in honor of Kennesaw’s most famous celebrity alum, I’m going to be very disappointed.
LET’S GO ORANGE!
*It’s actually in my house in Texas, so it’s not like I’m going to be sitting on some random ratty couch in the middle of a field. I have a hard enough time getting ESPN3 at home, I can’t imagine how horrible my luck would be in the middle of nowhere. I’m really kind of appalled you’d make assumptions like that.