Perennial thorn in Jim Boeheim’s side Jamie Dixon decided he’d had enough of getting bounced from the NCAA Tournament at Pitt and went back to his alma mater, TCU, where he won’t have to deal with March Madness to begin with. Today, word has come out that the Panthers have hired Vanderbilt coach Kevin Stallings, and I have to tell you, I couldn’t be more excited.

Stallings, who was seemingly on the verge of getting fired this year before the Commodores managed to get a spot in the First Four (where they quickly lost), signed a six year deal with Pitt after spending 17 seasons at Vandy, managing to make the tournament a whole seven times in the generally weak SEC. Suddenly, the Pitt game is looking like it’s going to be just delightful.

No, seriously, though, I’m thrilled for Stallings and Pitt. The fanbase seems super excited about it, given some of the reaction on Twitter.

Oh. Well, maybe the actual fans will be more forgiving of this hire, right?

Yikes. Well in that case, let’s talk a little bit about Kevin Stallings. I mean, on the one hand, you have to give him credit for his terrific performance in the Ron Howard cult classic Willow:

On the other hand, though, Kevin Stallings looks like someone who hasn’t made out with his cousin, but not for a lack of trying.

Kevin Stallings looks like someone who just innately knows how to do a terrific turkey call.

Kevin Stallings looks like a guy who rides around Walmart in one of those motorized carts even though he doesn’t really need it.

Kevin Stallings looks like a guy who played Hillbilly #3 in a fish out of water comedy movie set in the Deep South.

I think what Pittsburgh liked best about Kevin Stallings was that he’s crashed and burned in every NCAA Tournament he’s made, and that’s really what they look for in a candidate. It’s almost enough to make me feel badly for Pitt fans, I have to be honest.

Nah, just kidding. Fuck Pitt.

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Jeff is a 2003 graduate of Syracuse University, and has been published on various websites including,,,, and, among others. His work was featured in the New York Times bestselling book You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News. He's got a wife, and a toddler he's brainwashing to love Syracuse. Jeff's a pretty great guy, overall, and would never steal your car. Follow him on Twitter: @jekelish