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Hi there, big fella. How’s it going? It’s probably been a rough couple of weeks for you, what with the buzz continuing to grow about Malachi Richardson. You know, the guy who you steadfastly refuse to believe could be a first round pick in this week’s NBA Draft.

I have to admit, I admire the way you stick to your guns. You said in December that Malachi was a mediocre player with a lot of holes in his game, you called it a fluke when he torched Malcolm Brogdon in the NCAA Tournament and helped Syracuse to a Final Four berth, and you sure as hell shouted from the rooftops when he decided to keep his name in the Draft that he was making an enormous mistake.

Sure, a lot of us believed back in, say, January that he was a player who would probably benefit from an extra year in college. But for most of us, we’ve long since accepted the fact that he’s not coming back to school, and instead chose to pursue his dream (not to mention millions of dollars) in the NBA.

It doesn’t matter how many times Chad Ford or the guys at Draft Express tell you that NBA scouts are becoming more and more enamored with a 6-foot-6 swingman with deep range who surprised with his athleticism at the combine and was recently invited to the green room. Most people would finally, at long last, grudgingly accept that means that yes, he will in fact be a first round pick in Thursday’s Draft.

You, however, keep right on trucking with your comment section posts about how he’s not ready, how he’s making a terrible mistake, and how he’ll flame out and in fact may not even get drafted. Forget the fact that all indications are that he’s got at least one first round promise (from the Memphis Grizzlies, most people seem to agree). Forget the fact that teams inside the lottery have been working him out, and the latest buzz is that he could sneak into the back end of the top 10.

None of that matters, because you once nearly went undefeated in a season on NBA Live 95 for Sega Genesis when you played on Rookie mode and used a few lopsided trades to your advantage. It’s kind of astonishing that no one has hired you to run an NBA franchise, with all of that wisdom you’ve got at your disposal. I mean, it’s like these assholes don’t even understand that you finished third in an eight team fantasy league back in 2007, and nearly made the playoffs two years later.

In time, I firmly believe you have a chance to be remembered as a folk hero. Your stubborn refusal to admit that you may be wrong in this particular instance is the stuff of legend, and in time songs – or at least dirty limericks – may be written about you. You were damn certain that Jerami Grant was making a huge mistake, you still curse the name Chris McCullough, you’re insistent that Tyler Ennis should find a way to come back for another season becauseĀ he’s just not ready, and dammit, you’re sure as shit not willing to entertain the notion that Malachi Richardson could be a legitimate first round NBA talent.

No one wants an athletic wing player with deep range and the ability to create his own shot off the dribble – that last talent being pointed to repeatedly by NBA insiders and scouts as one of the things teams love about him, and what they think makes him a potential lottery pick. You’re sure it’s all just some big misunderstanding, and if only Malachi and the NBA would listen to you, we’d all be better off.

Hey man, I feel you. It’s just like when I was so sure that Eric Bana was destined to be a huge star. I still think he can be, if only the assholes in Hollywood would just take my advice for once. You and me, man, we’re a lot more alike than you might realize.

Only I’m not such a dipshit that I’m unwilling to admit that, despite thinking that yes, Malachi could have done well by coming back another year, I was mostly just selfishly hoping he’d return because it would help Syracuse’s chances of chasing a national title. I’m willing to admit that it’s pretty goddamn foolish to try to tell a kid to turn down millions of dollars and a potential spot in the lottery, but again, I envy your conviction.

I can’t wait to see you back here again next year when you’re trying to convince the world that Tyus Battle is nowhere near ready to go pro.

Until then, keep on keeping on. I look forward to hearing about you popping up in the fan forum for whatever team drafts Malachi, ready to tell that team’s fans what a horrible mistake the front office just made.

So long for now, you insufferable prick!

XOXO

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